Unveiling Oilfield Boot Bags – The Greatest Thing Since Porn Hit the Internet
We’re happy to announce the release of our brand spanking new oilfield boot bags. After years of research and development, we’ve found a way to combine heavy duty vinyl, miniature almost indestructible rope, and a Herculean zipper to form a collapsible box of awesomeness.
We stared at our new invention for days. How could we use this modern marvel of technology?
Bad Ass Testing
We filled it with soap, and swung it widely around the lab knocking a front tooth out of one of our volunteer testers (luckily he signed a waiver releasing us from harm beforehand). It made a good weapon, but I soon realized that my .40 Caliber Springfield XD was superior to our soap bag in self defense.
I brought it to the woods at the beginning of hunting season, and used it as a Port’O’Potty of sorts. It worked quite well, but in the end, this bag harbored too much greatness to be used in such a manner.
Lastly, I strapped the bag to my belt and stuffed my downed quail into it. Come on guys, I rinsed it first with a little whiskey. It was completely sanitary.
The Ah Hah! Moment
Then it dawned on me… We need to put our boots in here! Then Bad Ass Men like myself can stuff their boots into their Bad Ass Work Bags! I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.
I had to do some markettesting to see if this would work. I gave three bags to some of the manliest men I knew. All oilfield men. All tough mofos. They agreed. The boot bags worked well for their new purpose, but what kind of man needs a boot bag??? That sounds like something for pansies!
They were right. Who needed a boot purse?
But you know what? I’m from South Louisiana, and us Cajuns, we smart, sha.
I started thinking (and that’s always dangerous). Real men love women.
Real men work hard. Real men wear steel toe boots. Not because we’re afraid of our toes getting hurt… Real men aren’t scared of anything, really. But because when we kick some asshole that’s protesting a war heroes funeral in the face, we want them to feel it. Real men have drilling fluid, completion fluid, dirt, grime, hydraulic oil, urine, rabbit shit, and who knows what else on their boots.
When these MEN are coming back from a job, they stuff their boots in their bag and never think twice. And that’s when this Coonass put two and two together. Men are getting all this stuff on their clothes.
Now, when a Bad Ass Man comes home from work, he normally stops at the first bar he sees to get a cold beer. It’s instinct. And when he does, he’s looking to cozy up next to a pretty little lady. At the end of the day, that pretty lady doesn’t want to get rabbit shit on her dress.
And that’s when it clicked. Bad Ass Men need a Bad Ass Boot Bag for one reason. Bad Ass Boot Bags will get you laid.